Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in badvoodoo's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
4:36 am	And--- Once again, I find I cannot sleep. . no rest for the weary? I dont know. Dont particularly care. I suppose I can give account of some of the cool things that have actually happenend in the last few days... Got to chill with a good friend that I really havent been around in... lol.. forever.. haha.. Kristin is a great person. I miss her alot. But I was able to go to a party with her. Free booze. . so, couldn't have been all that bad . I still think the best part was just being able to see what people were upto. Met some fairly decent people. Saw some people I could care a less if the were impaled.. eh, happens to the best of I suppose? Plans for college seem irrelevant. It was pointed out to me that college is about to start, so, I'm not sure what imma do. No point worrin' over it... lol.. Where the fuck is my life going .. lol. . Shit, im Jon Cope. It'll go where i want it. Truthfully I have no desire to jump right back into school. And I pretty much laid it out on the table for my parents. I don't think they care. Which is good, cuz it saves us both time and effort.. . So, im left with a few choices yet.. TN, or stay here.. although, if I stay here, I may see about construction with Mike, Heathers father, and Joshs' boss. It'd be cool enough I suppose... It'd probably kick my ass after awhile. Getting up early is just not something i want to do.. lol... I'm a lazy bastard, what can I say. Shout outs to all you lazy mother fuckers in the world. More power to you, and may God bless. But, ya.. So, Also, imma leavin' on vacation to Colorado. Don't know where im going, I guess we will be in Denver, cuz im going to 6 flags. Rollercoasters are awesome. Good times.. haha, people may think im insane to complain, cuz I really wanted to go to the fiddlers convention at my GPs home town. And .. lol, its blue grass. I dont really care for it, but I had fuckin plans to go.. and alas, I still prove when I make plans I get fucked over.. lol. O well, the ways of the cosmos are best left un-pondered. But I still dont gotta like it!! so .. Fuck you? no.. there is no conviction in that. So, eh,.. w/e. Also, thanks to Trevor Womac who ate at IHOP with me at midnight. cuz, well, I had a bad cravin'.. It hit the spot. And unfortunately I must condemn Darian Abar.. You have joined Peta, ... I don't know what to say... May God have mercy on your soul my boy.. I dont know if I will lol.. veg head... hah, its aight. I still love ya man... alittle.. lol. So.. whats a guy to do at the wee hours of the morn? This... ya, that's about all I got going for me. Even though I should be sleepin. Got a doctors appointment at. . .11 ish? dont remember. Gotta make sure im 'normal' again... lol.. I really do miss knowing that I was normal.. I know im getting there. But sometimes.. I still have my doubts... Its sad. Well for me .. ha, dont know about you peeps. So, lets hope everything is fine. Cuz if its not.. lol,.. shit. Haha.. And so the search continues. Im not writing anymore until I have something worth saying. Cuz I feel like im writing a bunch of Bs... so, eh. WE SEE. (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 8th, 2004
11:56 pm	Past due.. --Went to a party today. For a chick named Heather Griago? Greiago? eh.. not sure how to spell it but I went to her b-day party along with my pal josh. So, I get there, and its all fun and games. Booze was plentiful, I was actually drinking with older people. So,it was more of a social thing. Discovered that I share some philiosophy with some of them.. lol, kinda funny.. same beliefs.. Feels good to see that. But ya, kinda got on the subject of women, so I found some good advise. I realize im trying to head in the right direction. There was a chick there that I thought was pretty cool. She wanted to date me, but maybe I had to give that up in the sake of the long run. Cuz she is taken now. And I dont know if I should be sad or not. O well. Its time that I break ties with those that bullshit me. It seems i'm doing a good job, but its a goal none the less. Someone advised me to that, and I have been.. I've proven that to myself enough.. But there was also something really tragic today.. . I found the person talking about me. And, like,... What a fool I must be, for who but my ex..? Ya, I wanted to be friends... hah.. and she talking about me. Go figure? I don't know what I did to deserve that.. I know when it was she did.. but, i dont know if thats an excuse. So.. I guess im sorry you fuckin bitch. I dont know why i couldve thought of being friends again.. cuz, damn.. how would you want it that way? I just .. damn it. I'm almost ashamed. But shame is reserved for those who dont know what they're doing. Perhaps thats the case. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
11:19 pm	Loss Loss for words tonight, or so it'd seem to me. But as one thought is birthed, it goes on to make another. And then another, and another. . until finally we may reach some kind of medium or an endless stream that could be accounted for the following journal entry. As enlightened as I feel, as good as it is to have goals, I realize that I'm at a loss to indecision. Although, i'd almost claim to be a slave to it. Its a place, figuretively speaking, that I feel most comfortable. And lol.. Sometimes i'd love to see what CHAOS is. So naturally I looked the word up for your viewing pleasure, ( but be assured that this is almost entirely for me ), I just want you, my friends, to know what goes on sometimes. Chaos : A condition or place of great disorder or confusion. I would love to experience that, confusion maybe a bad thing as disorder. But I would like to prove so otherwise. I can't give a definate answer, so perhaps I should throw up one part of an agrument. I see that there are just some things that get old, but thats not the case. I see that I often find my life can be boring. That's why I try to amuse myself. Although, I do always seek to amuse others as well. I'm saying, that because there is some intuition that, perhaps that is one aspect of chaos, given the random chance, and unexplained rational behind it. Haha.. that means that any one of us with any intuition is living chaoticly. . hopefully I have stumbled on something that you may see as rather funny. Lol.. that's life. I live chaoticly, and its something I trust.. although that seems a contridiction haha... With that it leaves endless possiblity, endless choice. Even the fact that you may or may not be in control. lol. this is.. maybe morbid, but I'd like to toy with the idea. This is just something that's been on my mind... God knows why, but I'm sure that I will touch on this subject again. Im gonna stop now, cuz im lazy lol. So, enough with the philisophical bullshit, i'll tell you all tomarrow, if i feel compelled that is, about the other good times on hand! Cuz, hells, im Jon Cope. Dont you forget it. . . Goodnight peeps. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 6th, 2004
3:27 pm	It seems there is some justice.. In the universe, cuz, well I just got back from WWC !! w00t... chicken wings... hellz ya. lol.. went with family, had a D.O.A wing.. It kicked my ass, but im better now. Mmmmmmm wings.... mmmmm.... peace out. (Comment on this)
12:37 pm	W/e I wake up today feeling better than yesterday. I experienced restful sleep.. it's pleasent. LOL . . I can still remember some of my dreams. . least one of em'. . lol, scary, cuz it was a canoe ride. And come to think of it, i've got a canoe.. even worse it was with the same people I'd go canoeing with in that same damn canoe... eh, W/e. Shit, yesterday was crazy. I feel more of an ass than anything. Why? cuz I followed what I thought I should be doing, more so than what I felt I would. But yesterday was crazy,.. cuz, well, I'll break it down. Woke up, realized I was damn tired and then I guess its cuz of the vividness in which my dreams that night were, but I'd say those were more of nightmares, w/e that means. But, I suppose I should explain some of my sleepin habits.. they're... unique. Like get this, every time I go to sleep I have a fuckin dream, everytime.. So, like, when one dream ends I wake up. So, that's about 3 or 4 a night. It's true. . Cuz, like i can remember them if I wanna. Shit, some of em' are intresting enough to be included here. But, thats about 3 or 4 nm's.. I actually woke up, I was kinda hah, that was actually a nm, eh w/e.. went back to sleep. :) mmmm sleep. Ya, but like my friend josh was I dont know, I love that guy, he was just havin a rough hour or so? lol, he was mad then wanted to hang out. fine by me. Josh is one of the greatest mother fuckers i've ever known. The use of mofo, is of course an extremely high compliment. So, that was crazy. Then I talked Heather, my old old ex haha, same fuckin day. That in itself is crazy. I talked to her cuz I honestly felt like tryin to be friends. Although i wont say that I dont carry doubts, or that I'm not entirely sure i'll be wastin' my time. . If I can get on some normal level with her things should be fine.maybe. I offered to hang out, which im proud of, not cuz i did it! but i meant it! not like i never dont mean it... eh, w/e. Didnt get to fuckin go to the WWC. I'd say thats crazy.. but thats just not fuckin right. Ive wanted to go for the past like 58 thursdays it feels, im being DENIED!! BLASTED. Wasted a fuckin' journal talking about it... *sigh* defeat is an ugly ugly thing. And I heard someone was talking about me, I find it funny cuz.. well, I know someone hates me. why? i dont care much less know. I find to be more amusing than anything haha... poor guy, doesnt know how to spell my name, I guess its the same guy that im'd me condemning me haha... what a lamer. Won't tell me who he is. And so. . This be interesting, cuz I found someone who knows who said it. lol. I mean, like if you hate me you could least tell me. Hahaha... again, I must say what a poor bastard... lol. right. But i've still got to get out my FUCK YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE FOR THE BULLLLSHIIIITTTTT. I dont feel much better for sayin it. But a little. Top of the mornin' peeps. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 5th, 2004
2:05 am	Forcast for the weekend.. So, I got some relatives comin' this weekend, they be here today, although its still kinda weds night. But still. . I don't know how that will be, but I did just remember something--- something magical, something mystical. Tomarow, or rather today, is all you can eat wings at Wild Wing Canteena(?), my gosh, im stoked now. I could care a less about the bothers of relatives, .. lol, fuck. I love chicken wings. 6.99$ .. lol, its gonna be hot!! they got like 23 different kinds of wings. Brings Tears to my eyes... tasty little morsels of chicken. Tantalizing my taste buds. Ya, that sounds bout' right. So, hells, imma see if someone wants to join me. I'd love to have someone else partake in my joys. And Kellie is a friend from work, who told me to include her, I don't see why not? She's a great person. Kellie, this ones for you. Regal Cinema all the way. Jon Cope loves you. Nuf' with being on topic, I gotta say that it's great to see my relatives. They just screw up my schedule. So, I may not have time to update. We see. Seeing about trying to keep a journal.. eh, w/e. Good night. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
5:34 am	Continue on my friends You know, I have friends, they may be far... and wide. They may be old and new, but mother fuckers I will never forsake any of you. Not one God DAMN second. I don't mean his name in vain, but its so true. NEVER. I dont care who you fuckin think you are, or what the fuck you've done. I don't care if someone likes you or not. I don't care if you don't have friends. Damn it, I'll love you guys til' I fuckin' die. Given, the after life, ill probably love you still. Heh, It's said somewhere ( be it the book or word ) that you loose intrest in earthy things... ya, fuck that. Not like im not into religion, but im sure as hell not out of it. Talk about it if you want, ill offer some stimulating intellectual conversation. Well, i know you guys are something more.. And... I'd never want to loose you, although I may. Be it my fault or not, it doesnt matter, cuz i'd never not be there, but i've learned people never deserve a second chance, i mean that as in the times that i fuck up, im not deserving of you're attention sometimes.. and im sorry, although its not someone particular, but know who i am... shit, half the people i've ever known.. i talk to em not cuz they are fake... cuz u were once my friend, ill carry a respect whether or not u are one to use. I dont believe in usin people... never... I'd suppose I've been used before, but.. lol, thats a different matter. I'm sayin i'm here if you need me. I dont talk to many, they dont offer me what happens in their lives. Live and learn. My name is Jon Cope, I'll do something, I dont know what. But i'll make people wanna know my name. All of you that think I may be the greastest friend you got, or the coolest person you know, I don't care. Cuz, i mean it. I don't try to impress, I wanna be me. I may feel ashamed of who I am sometimes, but by principle, It's not important. I wanna know who you are. I wanna know what it is that keeps you going. My something give hope to your life and ambition. It seems time is not forever, youth has left, its time to grow up so to speak... lol, fuck that. I was told i'm the example of the perfect guy.. lol, i dont think i care if im single, if someone honestly meant that, heaven forbid I found a woman I didnt deserve, that would hesitate to speak with me. I'd try to give her the world. Or be hers.... haha... ya, I'd do that. Shit, I'd do that for anyone. But ill have to be content. This journal is for all of you that give a damn about me, this journal is for myself. This journal is for the future friends I may have. This journal is for those I hate. Fake ass mother fuckers. Don't pretend, I don't care. I'll love you cuz you're you, although you misguided souls may never see that.Poor bastard, ill laugh at you, ill joke you. But may you find happiness in someone or something, i'll still be willing to talk. I'll hope, I'll pray, that never in my days, my memories never fade. I won't forsake you. I don't need you're trust. I'd love to have it.Just see me as I am. If you give it, more the merrier. And again, I don't care who you are, cuz you're human. If you must live, I can share you pain and happiness. Perhaps. Cuz I threw you the obvious, to see if there's more behind, the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy. . . APC all the way. Goodnight peeps. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
2:56 am	First Entry I don't know what to say. I need something to speak in, or to speak out. So, I figured what the hell, i'll make a journal, so all the peeps can see. Right.. I feel bad for anyone that reads this though, cuz, .. lol, we will see. Mainly, I'm considering a prospect of livin out in TN, it may be far fetched or for real as in if I can obtain a job there, ill definately move. There is some bullshit I can't seem to get rid of. I mean really retarded things. Sometimes I feel like im not going anywhere. I don't know of any REAL talents that I have. Sometimes, it feels like im a failure. Well FUCK ME. I DONT CARE WHAT U THINK, all in good jest of course. I'm just speakin to put things in perspective. I think its all the fake people that get me-- so much as I list that as the 'Bullshit'. Cuz I never know, I never liked to dig into what people say, miscommunication is cryin shame... the single worst thing in the world. And I dont even got no one to drink with tonight. And that's a tragedy. You know, about being a failure, It's really a misplaced fear. I have thousands of options. But like, I was talkin to my dad and he was tellin me about one my old friends, cuz my dad went to his bros wedding ( we all family friends). I would've gone, but Mike, my friend, wasn't there. And like, I find out that they are sending him home cuz he had heart complications... u'd think they wouldve found that out before fuckin sending him to texas to join the airforce. Bunch of fucktards... *sigh* stupid people. But anyhow, Mike missed the wedding cuz he was in texas, so he missed his bros wedding and got sent out of airforce, he's wanted this ever since i've known him in the wee grades. But like, he's takin it hard. And I totally know how he feels. My dad said he 'feels like a failure'. . . So, where am I ? I've been in the hospital, things arent what they used to be, and that's what makes it all the worse. But like, damn it all, I know I'm fine, I'm not dyin'yet. So I can't really complain, there are FAR WORSE things. BUT IM NOT THE SAME... heh, I'mma work on it of course.Maybe things will get better physically. But the taint is still in me mind. Its the wee hours of the mornin that im talkin about this, would I want it any other way? Ya, if I had something good to talk about or wasnt bored.---but ALAS, there is some good news even in the morn. I saw seether, and they fuckin rocked. Hot damn, all the bands were great. Music is beautiful. And that's all I got for now. Love you all. (1 Comment |Comment on this)